Leather outfits, latex and straps avalanche, whip, chains… When we think of sadomasochism, the first images that come to mind are often quite stereotyped — and tend to be limited to the accessories used.

Yet, it is one of the sexual practices raising the most questions. Its pomp, the perfume of mystery that surrounds it, but also the fact of experiencing pleasure in pain, contribute to the popular fascination for BDSM (Bondage, Discipline and Sadomasochism, ed.)

.More broadly, the dominant-dominated relationship also raises its share of curiosity. How is it governed? How do its followers discover their inclination? How are they in “real life”? Does this kind of relationship give way to love, or is it just physical?

Pierre*, defining himself as a “sex slave”, answers my questions…

(Credits : Colton Haynes for Tyler Shields)
Hi, Pierre. How are you?

Fine, thank you very much. A little stressed.

Why is that?

I don’t really know.

Don’t worry, there’s no reason to! Before we really get started, can you introduce yourself in a few words?

I’m 28 years old. I live in Paris, I work in a bank. And if I’m here today, it’s because I’d rather wear another type of suit. (laughs)

Well, how did you actually discover your fondness for BDSM?

I started three years ago. I was dating a guy who initiated me.

Was it already a fantasy?

Yes and no. I was curious about this universe, I already liked the touch of latex, but I never thought I would set foot in it. When I started dating my ex, I didn’t even know it was his thing!

The first times, we actually slept together “normally”.

How did he approach you about it?

Quite naturally, actually. He explained to me that “traditional” sex was not really his thing and that, if I was up for it, he would like to show me another approach.

How did you react? Did you get scared?

Not really. I wasn’t entirely reassured, of course, but I knew he would guide me. So I let myself be tempted.

That easy?

I know it’s crazy, but yeah. When he told me about it, I felt a huge hot flash. The idea of braving something forbidden, of discovering a new side of my sexuality… It was speaking to me. It’s a bit like when you smoke your first cigarette: everyone tells you it’s not right, but you want to disobey.

It has nothing to do with my childhood, by the way. My parents never spanked me…

Can you tell us more about your “initiation”?

Let’s just say it takes time. You can’t do everything overnight, you have to go gradually. That is the problem today, people do not realize the potential risks… But the most important thing is to build trust and set boundaries. When you become a slave, you let yourself go completely. You can’t do that with just anyone, you need a certain knowledge of the other.

I see… That said, I found your profile on a dating application. How do you deal with strangers?

You can meet people on the Internet and take your time! Even when I’m on Grindr, I never meet the guy right away. There must always be a discussion phase.

Are there exclusive agreements between a master and his slave?

Often, but not necessarily. And then, more than exclusivity, it’s more about another kind of loyalty. We swear we belong to each other, but it can be done without monogamy. A good part of BDSM sexuality is experienced in parties, with several partners.

Do you have a master right now?

Yes.

Are you in a relationship?

We’ve been dating for a year. In case you’re wondering, he only command in our bedroom!

Do you think I could interview him, too?

I don’t know. I could ask him… •

* Upon requested, the name has been changed


Zackary
Hugh Hefner's and Donatella Versace's love child, I am the visible half of the duo behind ZACKARIUM. In love with fashion since I was in short pants, my mission is to guide you smoothly through the jungle of brands and catwalks.